


Borrowed Time

by CSSkywalker



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Complicated Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Darksparks?, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gen, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Substance Abuse, Trauma, Triggers, Wattson is baby, help me with lore I dont know everything, intended to be faithful to canon, no beta reader we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:22:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24537667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CSSkywalker/pseuds/CSSkywalker
Summary: "They kill you, they're better. You kill them, you're better." The famous words of Kuben Blisk.But what happens when the people you're trained to kill become family?All legend-centric (with emphasis on Loba, Watty, Wraith and whoever I have an obsession with that month) fanfic on life of the Legends as ACTUAL people outside the arena, taken from the perspective of an OC insert and how she deals with her past. Also watch my feeble attempts to explain the dying and respawn chamber in the games. Eventual darksparks is prevalent in later chapters, I haven't completely decided yet.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	1. Natalie Paquette; Codename Wattson

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! This is my first work for Apex after seeing all the recent fan art from the quests, I couldn't stop wanting to write. Here, I hope to divulge more on the lore, the life of the legends outside of the area, and focus on becoming a legend from the outside in. I hope you enjoy, and any critiques and tips are much appreciated!  
> (Story starts from mid S2. Cross-posted on Fanfiction)

She was numb, even during the funeral. Seeing Papa lowered into the ground in that cold, dark casket added more to the void that was in her heart. Her family, the only person she’d ever known was gone, taken from her. There was so much more she wanted to talk to him about, so many more discoveries they were destined to find together. Now, Natalie wanted more than nothing but to disappear into the ground with her Papa.

_It was quiet. Too quiet._

He was supposed to be here. Papa. He would be humming a tune in the kitchen, finding himself a snack before scurrying off to the basement to work on more projects, or he would just simply be sitting, reading a book over the half-moon spectacles, smiling at her as she walked in.

His glasses were still sitting on the book he had last read.

Natalie tread lightly across the kitchen and gently fingered the glasses with her right hand, tears threatening to spill over her eyes. Was this the last thing that he had touched before...?

She choked out a sob and fell to her knees, hiding under the table. It was only yesterday that she was deep in her research, working together with her father to solve the code. Finally, after grueling months from calculation to calculation, was she able to crack the equations necessary to power the forcefield for the Syndicate’s Apex Games. Her shoulders shook as she recalled her final interactions with her father -nagging him to retire for the night. She was always worrying about him. Always looking out for him, making sure never to lose sight of him.

Except she did, and it was her biggest failure.

She sobbed, hugged the leg of the table and willed herself to fall through the floor. Sparks flew from her fingertips -an occasion that happened ever so often after her accident with electricity, causing the Lichtenberg scar that ran from her face to the end of her left side. She didn’t want to be here. She only wanted to be here if her Papa was here. The vast expanse of loneliness was opened, and Natalie was falling right into its gaping jaws.

“Hey... Nat.”

A woman’s voice sounded in her ear and she opened her eyes to see, Ajay, Makoa and Anita; players of the Apex Games. They were the up and coming legends who had already made a name for themselves in the trial runs, and the people she was raised side by side next to. She turned towards where the woman’s voice came from, and there was Renee, a woman who didn’t show much emotion, but through their differences, Natalie had grown close to the elusive, moody woman.

“Doctor Caustic?” she whispered, sniffling while looking up at the sullen man who hardly cared for anyone. Yet he was here.

“Wow, you like that Caustic is here, but not us huh?” Renee snorted derisively, helping Natalie from under the table.

“No, no, I mean- ” Natalie looked around at the Legends who surrounded her. “Why are you all here? You’d just as soon stab one another in the back.”

“Yah goin’ tru’ it righ’ now,” Ajay smiled warmly, her thick accent always making Natalie feel a bit happier inside. “We’ve got’ta look out for each otha’, even dis boy heya!” She nudged Caustic.

“I find her amusing only for her mind,” Caustic grunted, avoiding eye contact with Natalie. “Miss Paquette must not waste away.”

This was the closest thing to a compliment that the Doctor had given her, and Natalie’s eyes softened. 

“A soldier never leaves one behind,” Anita said. “How ‘bout it, Paquette? Want to join us in the games? You know the arena better than anyone.”

“You’ve got us, brah!” Makoa boomed, wrapping Natalie in his bearhug. “We’ve gotcha, you’re our family too!”

Tears welled up in Natalie’s eyes once more, but this time, they were tears of happiness. The Legends had put all their differences aside to support her. The mere electrician’s kid. They saw her as more than that.

“I thought I knew what family was,” Natalie started, wiping her tears away. “But my equations were incomplete. My family is here. At the Games. And now it’s my turn to support you.”

**XXX**

_A few years later..._

_“Raised in King’s Canyon by her father, Natalie Paquette’s first love has always been electricity. Hence her nickname, Wattson!”_

The electrician zipped up her suit to a comfortable position on her body, and turned down the volume on her television, slightly embarrassed. Watching an advertisement for herself as one of the Apex Legends was never a comfortable event for her, always groaning inwardly at her attempts at making jokes for the press or noticing the mistakes she made even during her highlighted plays for a match.

But she was here. Reaching for her drawer, she unfolded a piece of paper, opening up the creased folds, being careful not to rip the worn paper. As she read, she could almost see her father’s heavy hand as he wrote and hear the inflections and nuances of his voice.

_My dearest Natalie,_

_As I write this letter, it’s the middle of the night in late summer. (Although it’s always summer on Solace, no?) You have poked your head out of your bedroom twice already, insisting I retire for the night. Always looking out for me, though you’re still a child yourself._

_At least, that’s what I pretend. But it appears that may no longer be the case. An hour ago, you cracked the equations necessary to power the forcefield. You showed me up tonight, my magnificent daughter, and I couldn’t be happier or prouder of that._

_I always knew you were special, but never did I fathom that the little girl who taught her stuffed Nessie multiplication tables when she was six years old would grow up to master quantum laser mechanics. I talked to Jacob at the Syndicate and assured him that the Modified Containment Forcefield will be operational in a month’s time. The Games are a go, and it’s all thanks to you._

_And I owe you an apology..._

_I’m just a doddering old fool, trying to hold on to mon bébé a little while longer before he loses her to adulthood. But I do see you. I’m sorry it’s taken this long, but I now see the strong, brilliant, wonderful young woman you’ve become, and I know when the day comes that I’m no longer walking these dusty old streets, you are going to be just fine._

_Hold on to this feeling, Natalie. Savor this victory. Summer may be eternal on Solace, but the world can also be a very cold place at times. And on those days when I’m no longer with you, and you feel alone, and frustrated, and that there are too many mountains to climb... please reread this letter. Remember that you are my little girl, and because of YOU, my darling daughter, the people of the Outlands will have reasons to smile soon enough. The Games will be brilliant, because you are brilliant. My daughter can, and will, do anything she wants in this life. Because my daughter is the smartest woman in the Frontier._

_Jet t’aime de tout mon Coeur, pour toujours._

_Papa._

_P.S. And the Syndicate agrees with you -“The Ring” is a better name than “The Forcefield”. Fine. You win this one, too..._

She smiled and placed the worn note into her pocket, around the photograph of her and her father, to carry with her throughout today’s Game.

“I did it Papa,” she whispered. “I hope that wherever you are, you’re cheering for me.”


	2. The Death of Amelia Cray

_“Amelia... Chief ...”_

The patient on the bed moaned and stirred slightly, reaching up to claw at the oxygen mask on her face, foreign and unwelcome. A gentle hand pulled her back, reassuring her that it was okay.

_“Can you hear me, Amelia?”_

The woman grunted something inaudible through the mask.

“She’s waking up...”

Amelia opened her eyes to a pale, white hospital ceiling, dozens of tubes connected to her forearm; almost comparable to an octopus’s. Several screens monitored her movements, her breathing patterns, her heartbeat -it was almost like she was being treated as a science experiment.

Which she was.

After struggling to move, she realized that her entire body minus her arms which were connected to the tubes, were strapped to the cot, not allowing for any space or movement. This realization caused a shock through her system, pushing through the drugs that had been pumped into her body, as she suddenly yanked the mask off her face. The woman moved to pull the tubes out of her arm as well but was stopped suddenly by the muzzle of a pistol in her face.

“Now, now,” the masked doctor scolded. “Don’t get too excited there.”

“Where the _fuck_ am I?” Amelia growled. “What have you done to me?”

The doctor sighed, pulling the mask off his face. “You’ve got a serious problem, Amelia. Why do you have to be so on edge all the time?”

Her eyes widened. “Ian?”

The doctor smiled. “The one and only. Well, maybe not the one and only, but you get my point.”

Ian was _her_ doctor. She trusted him. The man had patched her up after every fire fight she had been through, ever the cheerful one and had a tendency to warn her not to smoke.

“I trusted you, Ian,” she said, hurt. “What have you done to me?”

He ran his hands through his hair. “More like what the hell have you done?”

“What are you talking about?”

His eyes narrowed. “If I take these off, you won’t hurt me, right?”

“If you promise not to shoot me in the face,” she said, gesturing with her head at the pistol in its holster.

He raised his hands. “I promise.”

She didn’t want to trust him, but she had no choice. She was at the complete mercy of this man, with no recollection of what had happened in the last 24 - or was it 24? - hours she had been out. Her bonds loosened, and tubes out, she sat up in bed, rubbing her stinging arms as she warily looked around the room like a caged animal.

“You don’t have to be so cautious, Em,” Ian said from his chair. “Although we don’t have a lot of time.”

“Tell me everything,” she asked, straight to the point.

“What do you last remember?” the doctor pressed.

She rubbed her temples, frustrated. Her memory was patchy, filled with inexplicable blank spaces that made her want to tear her hair out. “The last thing I remember is going on call to a gas leak in a research facility. I could tell something was wrong and I pushed the new kid, the probationary out of the way and then- ”

“That’s when the explosion happened,” the doctor nodded sagely.

“Explosion?” she asked.

The doctor pursed his lips together and handed her a screen pad. “I think rather than me explaining what happened, it would be better if you saw yourself.”

Her face grew pale and her hazel eyes grew wider in the light of the electronic pad. It was a news article dated one week ago, her smiling face on the front marred with the headline; **AMELIA CRAY, FIRE FIGHTER OR ARSONIST? _Famed Fire Chief Amelia Cray answered an off duty call for support in regard to a gas leak in a designated Hammond research facility last Tuesday. However, for inexplicable reasons, she took only one man from the squadron with her to the basement, probationary fire fighter whose name has not yet been released to the public and left the rest of the squadron outside of the doors from the affected area. An explosion came from where Cray and the probationary were, killing the officer and the squadron immediately. There were no survivors, save one: Cray herself. Fingerprints and DNA examination from the site and her home prove that she had been to the facility before, planning this all along. She is currently recovering in the hospital in comatose and was not available for questioning. The only question, is WHY?_**

“The hell is this?” she whispered, looking up at the doctor. “Why are they painting me as an arsonist?”

“That’s what I wanted to ask you,” the doctor said, and a troubled look came in his eyes. “You really have no idea what happened?”

“No,” she said, dropping the screen pad from her shaking hands. “I’ve never been to that godforsaken facility in my life, I don’t know why someone would want to make me the villain, all I wanted to do was help- ”

She stopped, feeling his hand on her shoulder. “I get it. I figured as much. You’re not that kind of person.”

“However, you’re wanted by the police now,” he paused. “And it seems as though Hammond left a mark on you more than you’d like.”

“What does that mean?” she asked quickly.

“From my tests, I’ve come to the conclusion that Hammond wanted to hide something. And you were on the verge of finding out, and so they had to get rid of you.”

“Is that why the crime is being pinned on me?”

He raised his hand. “Let me finish. Did you breathe any air, or intake anything strange while in the facility?”

She looked down at her hands. There was a jagged cut on the palm of her right hand that hadn’t been there before. Touching it, a flood of memories, however little came back.

“This hand,” she said, holding it up for the doctor to see. “I took my glove off to examine something and I cut my palm.”

“That has to be it,” he said, touching the scab slightly. It still stung even though his touch was soft.

“You did start the fire,” Ian said, grimly.

Silence. And then denial. Then the anger came.

“You _told_ me you believed me!” she snarled. “Why _the fuck_ would I do this to the family I love-!”

He let her finish before he started again. “I never said you did it on purpose.”

This stopped Amelia short.

“I ran some tests on you while you were out,” he said, striding over to the computer. “Your body appears to be functioning at an unusually high rate, but you have very irregular levels of carbon dioxide and nitrogen, more than enough to kill the human body. Em, I believe you were exposed to some kind of hidden experiment down in those labs, and whatever happened down there caused you to panic and start that fire.”

Her mind was blank. The thing that she had fought against for so long, to be able to control it now? First she was an arsonist. Now she was a mutant. She didn’t know how much more information her mind could take. The doctor noticed this, and moved towards the woman, but was interrupted by an older man appearing in the doorway.

“And that’s where I come in.” The man was tall, and almost menacing despite how old he appeared, with thick muscled arms littered with scars and a thick, South African accent Amelia had heard only in middle school, when they had learned about the fate of Earth, and the Frontier War. The man tossed a card onto her bed. “Kuben Blisk, at your service.”

“Blisk, she’s in a state of shock right now,” the doctor said, irritably. “I told you I would contact you when I wanted you to come in.”

“We don’t have a lot of time, doc,” the man replied calmly. “They know she’s awake. However right now I’ve set them on a problem that will keep them busy for, oh I don’t know, maybe the next fifteen minutes.”

She slowly picked up the card that Blisk had tossed onto her bed. Analyzing it drew her out of her stupor. She knew this card well, although she did not agree with the morals it held. Blood red, the insignia of a cow skull with horns; this was a card from the Apex Games. The legends were held in high regard, very much celebrities in this world, but it was an old blood sport filled with moral, selfish, and most importantly legal issues.

“Look girly, I'll get straight to the point. From that look on your face, I know you know what that card means,” Blisk said. “And I also know you’d rather not be arrested.”

She looked up, quickly understanding what he meant. “I don’t really want to be a pawn in your games for your money either.”

“She speaks!” Blisk laughed, and then gave himself a seat on her bed. “Would you rather be just a lab rat, poked and prodded at until you die? Chained to a place with no freedoms, and no rights?”

“He’s got a point,” Ian said. “Once they catch you and realize what you’ve become through Hammond’s experiments, they won’t stop doing tests on you until your body wears away.”

“Or would you rather be an Apex Legend? Life filled with fame and glory and an endless supply of money?” Blisk gave her a closer look. “And _my_ protection.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“We will cover all messy legalities for you. You’ll have to change your name of course, but we’ll wipe the system of your face, and your identity. You’ll be a new person, the fresh faced celebrity.”

“Why can’t you just do that and have me work for you?” Amelia pressed. “Why do you want me in these games so much?”

Blisk’s eyes held a dangerous glint and it was there, through the kindness and the smooth talk, that she saw who he really was. “The Games don’t have a _mutt_ like you. With a charm like you, our ratings would soar.” He drew closer to her. “And why would I do something for a stranger who has nothing to give in return?”

Amelia gritted her teeth. So she was selling her soul to the devil. But what more did she have to lose? It was either this, or torturous captivity.

“Fine.”

Blisk’s face and tone immediately changed. “Perfect! That’s the answer I knew you would get to, girly. My team is waiting for you outside, so once you get out of that hospital gown, I’ll be waiting outside this door.”

Amelia nodded curtly and moved to get out of bed, but Blisk caught her wrist.  
“You’ll have to prove to me you belong. Otherwise, someone might let slip something to the media, and then... well I don’t know what will happen.”

She glared at him. “I don’t need to prove anything to you.”

“Is that what you say to someone who holds your life in their hands?” He smiled wolfishly. “You’ll be an interesting one.

“Oh, and girly, one more thing,” he murmured in her ear. “One rule in the Apex Games. They kill you, they're better. You kill them, you're better.”


	3. Breaking the Ice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some NSFW themes present in the later half of the chapter

The woman fingered an identification card in her hand while waiting to be checked in.

Although Blisk had reassured her that she would not require any cosmetic surgeries, she could hardly recognize the woman in the picture staring back at her.

The woman on the card had glowing, healthy honey colored skin and auburn eyes with a touch of mascara. Wavy brown hair cascaded over her shoulders -with highlights of caramel and blonde, her own personal touch to assuage her stylist that she, in fact, did not need more of a drastic makeover.

_‘Name: Annalise Kraus_

_Sex: F_

_ID VERIFICATION PIN: 101619980019_

_MECHANIC’_

Amelia, rather, Annalise sighed, pressed the card to the gate, and nervously ran her hands over her heavily tattooed arms as she walked through the security check. She’d been here for nearly eight months and no one seemed to recognize her as the famous arsonist, but still -it was nerve wracking walking into a heavily secured Syndicate military base.

“You mean the Games, Em,” she muttered to herself, chuckling. An inside joke.

“Say something?” the security guard grunted.

“No, sorry,” Annalise replied quickly, gathering her keys, wallet and ID.

She bit her lip as she strode away from the confused guard, cursing herself for using her real name. It had been months, true, but she didn’t feel as though she was truly Annalise Kraus just yet. Blisk had offered her a place in the games, true but Season One was already headily underway at the time, and she would have to wait. While she waited, he suggested that she work and live in the Games as a mechanic -hailing back to her earlier days as a mere fire fighter- and also allowing herself to grow familiar with the Legends and the world of Solace. Her tasks mainly consisted of fixing mechanical issues in the arena, or helping Legends such as Pathfinder or Octane with their gear. She didn’t know if it was the charm of Blisk or the charm of her own stylist to transform her into a likeable woman, but the Syndicate was friendly enough and let her into the Games with open arms.

Opening up her locker, she shimmied out of her daily clothes, and into her working ones; oddly enough, she felt more comfortable in her jumpsuit than the designer clothes that her closets were filled to the brim with. Perhaps it was because it reminded her of her old life.

Strapping her harness tightly around her waist, she tapped the e-paper pad on her left wrist, scanning the arena for problems. A pack of dropships were experiencing an issue where they weren’t allowing a Legend to redeploy, and a few respawn beacons would not allow Legends to successfully scan their squad mate’s banner in and call for the redeploy ship -all integral parts of the Apex Games.

“Goddamnit Blisk, I know you have money,” Annalise growled. “Fix this shit in your Games yourself.”

Sighing, she tied her hair up into a messy French braid and plugged her headphones into her ears, keeping one eye on the upper monitor which was playing today’s Games. She had no desire to work on the dropships, and so for today, she would be working inside the arena -however, that meant waiting for the last minutes of today’s matches to end.

The final two squads were down to the second to last ring -then it would be a race to whoever could heal fastest. Wattson was the one to save her squad, which consisted of Caustic and Wraith. Annalise scratched her neck absentmindedly. That Pylon of hers was a real problem. It eliminated Gibraltar’s last-minute throw of his bombardment, zapping the bombs away as Caustic bunkered up their positioning with his gas traps. Annalise bunched her nose as she watched Pathfinder submit to that corrosive gas of his, as Wraith deftly took out Lifeline and Gibraltar. Not only were Wattson’s traps a problem, Caustic’s gas traps were even harder to deal with. Watching the doctor stand with his squad as they were named champion, Annalise pursed her lips. Dying like that to the gas would be the worst way to go, especially during a ranked match.

Settling into a special dropship made for maintenance workers, Annalise watched as the underground world changed into the arena of King’s Canyon; an arena she would soon have to familiarize herself with. With her limited knowledge of gun skill, and not much control over her mutation, she didn’t have a lot of time left to train until the next season of the games. Blisk hadn’t even let her know about when she would be released to the public eye as a new name in the games, and she wasn’t sure if the legends knew much about her joining them.

Her only few interactions with the legends had been Mirage and Pathfinder, along with quite a few visits from Octane. Mirage obviously had wanted her number as the new girl and drawing from what he mentioned about how many times workers had come in and out of the facility -her being the longest any worker had stayed in the arena- he had genuinely wanted to befriend her. Flipping through her phone, she hesitated on his ID _._

_Perhaps he could be one to help her..._

A violent shake of the dropship jolted her out of her thoughts, and she unstrapped herself from the safety restraints.

“Are you ready to deploy into King’s Canyon, Ms. Kraus?” the MRVN on her ship asked cheerfully.

She smiled at the childlike happiness of the MRVN, oblivious to everything around it. “Yeah, Marvin, I’m ready to go.”

“Superb! I’ve alerted the captain of your desire to deploy,” the MRVN replied as the hatch doors opened. “Once you have finished your task, I’ll be more than happy to assist you back home!”

“Thanks Marvin,” Annalise called out from behind her shoulder as she stepped out onto the hard, dirt of King’s Canyon. She waited to move forward, waving back at the MRVN as the dropship pulled away and blasted off into the distance.

Taking a deep breath, she squinted in the hot sun and recognized immediately where she was. This was Skull Town, notorious for its hot drops beginning of the match. Blisk might’ve been an asshole, but thanks to him hooking her up with a job inside the arena, she knew the area better than most would. Reaching under the respawn beacon, Annalise found the energy power hatch, and quickly typed in her access code, powering down the beacons in the arena. Stretching, the woman cracked her back, raised the volume on her headphones, and began swaying her body to the music, getting to work.

If she hadn’t been wrapped around the respawn beacon in such an awkward position, she might’ve missed the girl peering around the chain link fence. She snorted softly in amusement and continued her work, pretending not to see.

Annalise knew full well who it was observing her. Wattson tended to watch her silently while she worked day to day after the games, obviously curious about Annalise, but still had that childish demure about her person. Annalise assumed Wattson’s curiosity was peaked merely by the fact that she was working on _her_ arena which the girl had worked so hard to build -anyone would be worried and take any measure of care to ensure that it was done correctly. Wattson didn’t have anything to worry about, however. Annalise knew what she was doing; she’d started out as a mechanic when she was 17 at the fire station.

Placing the last knob in place, Annalise pressed the hatch back and scooted out of her back-breaking position on the beacon. Glancing up at Wattson, the girl started in surprise and retreated back into a darker spot behind the fence. Annalise smiled as she placed one of her headphones back into her pocket. Wattson might’ve created the arena but the girl was cute, she’d give her that.

Feigning ignorance, she called out, “Hey, wanna help me power up this thing?”

Wattson slowly crept out from her hiding spot. “ _Je suis vraiment désolé!_ I didn’t mean to make it seem-”

“Like you were watching me?” Annalise chuckled as the younger woman got closer. “I know you’ve been watching me for months, Wattson, it’s okay. I get it.”

“What do you mean?” Wattson asked, playing with her shoes shyly.

“I know you built this place,” Annalise replied, wiping sweat off her brow. “It’s like your baby. You want to make sure I’m doing it justice.”

“So you are a scientist as well?” Wattson almost jumped into Annalise’s arms out of excitement. “You understand how important it is?”

“I-I’m not a scientist,” Annalise said, holding the girl at arm’s length. _Wow. When she gets passionate about something, all that shyness is gone. She really doesn’t have a sense of distance with people when she gets this way._ “I’m only a mechanic. I get the attachments to projects.”

Wattson seemed to suddenly realize how close she was to the other woman and retreated, blushing slightly. “All the same, I’m happy that you realize the importance of this arena to me and are trying to do it justice.”

Annalise studied the younger woman for a moment. She hadn’t realized since she hadn’t been this close to her, but Wattson wore almost no makeup, save a thick winged liner on her eyeline, highlighting the bright blue in her eyes. “You gonna help me power this thing up, or what?”

“Yes of course!” Wattson said, rubbing her hands together to conduct electricity.

Her tech was extraordinary. There was a reason the girl had never come into Annalise’s own lab for repairs, this stuff was astounding. She could clearly tell that Wattson had combined her knowledge of mechanics and electricity to create the perfect pylon. Seeing up this close attached to her back made the older woman appreciate the mind of the electrician more and more.

“ _C’'est magnifique!_ The beacon is ready to go!” Wattson clapped her hands together.

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Annalise pressed a button on her e-paper pad, notifying her MRVN that she required a ride home.

“All these months watching you and I never learned your name,” Wattson said, slowly. “It’s almost embarrassing to ask, but what is your name?”

“Cray,” Annalise said, almost automatically, and then stopped short. _Shit. Had she realized-?_

The confused, innocent look on Wattson’s face confirmed that the girl had not made the connection.

“Sorry,” Annalise chuckled nervously. “Old habits die hard, I guess. That was a, uh, nickname. At my old job. My name’s Annalise.”

“Annalise! What a pretty name,” Wattson beamed longingly. “I wish I had a name like yours.”

The girl’s enthusiasm couldn’t help but bring a small smile to the mechanic’s face.

“Please, call me Natalie!” Wattson grasped her hand with a twinkle in her eyes. “I’m happy to have made a new friend!”

“A- alright. Watt- Natalie,” Annalise said, hesitant. It was going to take a minute to get used to calling Legends by their first names. She wasn’t here to play friends. Her face darkened for a minute.

Wattson looked confused, trying to read the older woman’s face. “Did I overstep?”

 _Yes_. Annalise was here to survive the Games and her own past chasing after her, but there was more she wanted. Smiling, she brushed off Wattson’s questions of if she was alright and stepped into the dropship.

“Ah, Ms. Paquette will be joining you today?” the MRVN asked cheerfully, oblivious once again to the energy surrounded the two women.

“Yeah Marvin. Take us back to base,” Annalise said quietly, watching the retreating King’s Canyon from the window, ignoring Wattson’s blue eyes trained on her.

**xxx**

_That damn girl! She was too nice._

Frustrated, Annalise took another aggressive sip of her drink. She was **not** working for the Syndicate and being Blisk’s pawn for nothing. Play nice with the Legends, yes, she could do that. But she wasn’t there to make friends, and definitely not any hindering attachments that could come in the way if she didn’t watch out. What she had planned would destroy Wattson’s beloved arena, and now she didn’t even know if she could do that.

_I’m not the bad guy._

But destroying something that someone else loved for selfish reasons would. She couldn’t go that far.

_You’re trapped. You’re doing this for a good reason, to save yourself—_

Annalise cursed herself for calling out to the younger woman when she could’ve played dumb like always and ignored the shy thing. 

“Mirage,” she growled, and the holographic trickster jumped in surprise. She had called him tonight for one thing and one thing only. “Get me another fucking drink.”

“I-I think you’ve had enough there, young lady!” Mirage feigned authority. “I think it’s time to wrap it up!”

“Don’t police me,” she said, taking a sip of the Negroni he passed her despite his pleas for her to stop drinking. “I’m far from finished.”

He chuckled nervously. _Good. You intimidate him._

“So,” he started. “Is this like a date? Like is this just a bro thing or do you like, like like me?”

“Mirage,” Annalise groaned. “I called you here tonight for one thing. I know you’re good at drinking. And I know you know the party scene around here, plus you got me a free pass into one of the most exclusive nightclubs.”

He pursed his lips and tried to feign a smile. “Oh, uh, so you just used me, huh?”

She regretted saying what she had immediately after she saw the hurt on his face. “Mirage, I’m sorry-”

“Nah, nah I get it,” he stood up to leave. “I know I can be a little overbearing at times, but in the few months we’ve known each other, I really didn’t read you as someone who used others for their fame.” His tone grew bitter. “I even asked you to call me Elliot about a bajillion times already. See you later, Annalise.”

She chewed the inside of her mouth. _Damnit all!_

She grabbed the sleeve of his shirt as he looked at her with his sad puppy eyes. “Look... Elliot. I’m sorry. The alcohol is making me more aggressive than I should be. But that’s not an excuse, I shouldn’t have said that because that’s not how it is.” She dug her nails in her leg, not believing she was telling the Legend this, but it was the only honest thing she’d said to him all night. “That wasn’t true, what I said about you, by the way. I called you here tonight because I had kind of a tough time at work. And you’re the closest thing to a friend I’ve got here, at the Syndicate.”

His face broke out into a smile. “You mean that, Anna?”

She bit her tongue. _Nicknames. You’re getting closer to him._ “Yeah.”

Mirage slung an arm around her. “Sooo.. does that mean you’ll be my date for tonight?”

“M- Elliot, I told you,” she said. “I don’t swing your way remember.”

He pouted, jutting his lower lip out.

“But,” she lowered her drink and grabbed him by the arm. “I’ll be your wingman for the night.”

“Hey, I’ve got my other me’s for that!” Mirage protested.

Annalise rolled her eyes, pulling him closer towards the crowd. “Trust me, I can do a lot better than your me’s can.”

**xxx**

Mirage, or rather, Elliot, gave her a thumbs up as he happily danced next to a bombshell brunette. Annalise smirked and raised her cigarette towards him. From the first time she met him, she figured he had a thing for darker haired girls. With Elliot out of her hair for now, she could fully relax, finally being herself after months.

She leaned her body to the beat of the music, finding herself on the club floor, surrounded by hundreds of other sweaty bodies. Her body tensed as she felt pair of hands slide up her sides. Looking down in the blinking lights, she could barely make out a pair of well-manicured nails, outfitted with long red acrylics.

A husky woman’s voice whispered in her ear. “So you dance as well? I’ve been watching you all night, beautiful.”

The other woman’s voice drew goosebumps on the back of Annalise’s neck, but she swallowed, keeping her cool, understanding how drunk she was, but also wanting to play along to this woman’s game.

“A bit,” Annalise grinded her back into the other woman as she grabbed her hips. “I see you know a few moves as well.”

“There isn’t anything you can’t do once you learn how to move in six-inch heels,” the woman murmured, spinning Annalise around to face her.

The mysterious woman was stunningly beautiful. Her dark skin almost glittered in the flashing lights of the club and her eyes were lined with red eyeliner, almost appearing as though she had bloodstains on her face. Annalise was tall, but this woman was taller -or so she thought until she remembered the comment about her pumps. The woman looked familiar, but Annalise couldn’t place where she had seen her. It was most likely her movie star beauty that made her look so familiar.

She forced herself not to smile. After a rough day at work, being forced to analyze herself and her true intentions, a hookup like this woman was almost a godsend.

“Like what you see?” the woman crooned, guiding Annalise’s arms up, wrapping them around her shoulders.

Annalise nodded as she drew closer to the woman’s lips with hooded eyes. She smiled slightly and drew close to Anna, kissing her softly. The woman slowly opened her mouth, allowing Anna to explore her mouth willingly, but not forcefully, letting her open up bit by bit. Annalise moaned in need as the woman began subtly exploring her body, slipping a hand up her shirt as their kisses grew deeper and sloppier. The other woman finally broke away, staring at Annalise with dark eyes, like a wolf would stare at her prey.

“ _Merda._ Come with me.” The woman grabbed her arm, leading her through the dense crowd and into an unoccupied bathroom.

Locking the door behind her, the woman pushed Annalise onto the sink, her lips crashing onto the others. All of Anna’s worries washed away like they were never even there as she wrapped her legs around the opposite woman, letting her have her way. It had been months since she had been touched like this. The woman expertly traced a line of kisses down her collarbone, biting hard at her nipple through her bra.

 _Your shirt was already off? How-?_ That didn’t matter. She cried out as the woman played with her body like clay, scratching, biting, molding her into exactly how she wanted.

“May I?” the woman murmured, fingering Annalise’s belt loops.

Her hips buckled, even the way the woman whispered drew her on edge. “Yes. Please.”

 _No. Something was wrong._ As the woman moved the unzip her pants and place her mouth on the waistband of her underwear, Annalise felt something shift in her back pocket. She was being played.

Kicking up her leg, she pushed the woman against the wall with her foot. “What the fuck do you want with me?”

The woman chuckled, holding up her hands innocently. “I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.” She placed her index finger in her mouth seductively. “You really want to ruin something that was going good for both of us, beautiful?”

“I’m not going to fall for that again,” Annalise drew her hair out of her eyes, making sure to keep an eye on the woman. “You stole something from me. I’d like it back.”

“Are you talking about this?” the woman drew her ID card from her sleeve.

“Give it back,” Annalise pushed her harder against the wall, earning a pained grunt from the other woman. “I’ve only got a low-level security clearance. You can’t do anything with that card.”

“Are you sure?” the woman grunted as Annalise shifted her foot to the woman’s collarbone. “I don’t think you’ve fully explored the potential of this card, Amelia Cray.”

Annalise’s face flushed hot, and then cold. “How do you know that name?”

The woman smiled. “I know a lot about you Amelia. Like how you are wanted for arson, how Hammond’s experiments changed you. I also know the real reason you agreed to create a new identity to get into the Apex Games.”

 _The real reason... How could she know?!_ This woman had done her research. Annalise wracked her brains to remember where she had seen the woman before. _Precinct. With Chopper and Jack. She’s a known thief._

“Loba Andrade,” Annalise said slowly, realizing who she was dealing with here. Damn her own body! If she hadn’t been aching for the touch of another woman, she wouldn’t be in this situation right now.

“You’re thinking if you hadn’t been wanting the touch of another human being, you wouldn’t be in this situation right now, aren’t you?” Loba asked with a smirk, voicing her thoughts exactly.

“How are you so damn good?” Annalise growled frustrated. She wasn’t getting anywhere with this woman.

“ _Ei_ _querida_ , do you mind lowering your foot off of me now that you know I hold your life in my hands?” Loba asked, gesturing to Annalise’s shoe. “You’re staining my shirt.”

“How do I know you’re not going to run off with my story _and_ my ID?” she demanded.

“I followed you here because I wanted to make you a deal,” Loba said. “And there’s no way you will refuse, I have all the information I need about you.”

Annalise swallowed. Here she was again, at the mercy of another person. She really needed to get out of the habit of dealing with under the table shit.

“If you give me one more moment to scan your ID card, I’ll be out of your hair, and you’ll never see me again,” Loba promised, her hand on her heart.

Annalise furrowed her brow. “That’s really all you wanted?”

“Yes, well and you,” Loba smiled coyly as Annalise blushed. “My plan was, was to get you into bed with me, and while you were asleep, to scan the card. Don’t think I seduced you for nothing though, if you still want to-”

“Get on with scanning my ID and get the hell out of here,” Annalise groaned reluctantly, picking her shirt up from where Loba had left it.

The woman laughed. “Too bad. I really did like you.” She crouched down and inserted the card into a tiny machine that emitted a small beep as the card went through. “It’ll only take a couple minutes from here.”

“Why do you need my ID?” Annalise asked.

“Why do you want to kill Kuben Blisk?” Loba countered.

Annalise bit back a retort. Despite how personable she was, she had to remind herself that Loba was a dangerous woman. Added to the fact that she knew Annalise’s true motivations for joining the games, there was nothing that could be said in her own defense.

“I don’t blame you,” Loba said suddenly, pulling the card out from the machine and returning it to her. “I hope you figure out a way to make your plan work. In my heart of hearts, I wanted to talk to you. Perhaps that was why I let my hand slip -I let you know I was grabbing your wallet. I’m not that sloppy.”

Annalise took the card, confused at the thief’s sudden honesty.

Loba saw the look on her face and smiled sadly, looking like she was reliving a hundred memories at once. “Hammond ruined my family’s life once in another world. The Syndicate also let my family down. I hope you get what you want in the end.”

“Wait, Loba-!” Annalise called as the thief made her way out the door.

“ _Tchau_ , Amelia,” she smiled as she vanished into the crowd.

 _Shit!_ Another unwanted variable in her plan.

The minute after she agreed to Blisk’s plan to get her into the games was the minute she decided she was going to kill him. If she could pull it off, the death of such a high sponsor would suspend the games, allowing her to walk free with the money, and her freedom, the freedom to do what she actually wanted to do. But now it wasn’t only Blisk who knew her past -Loba did as well. She didn’t want to kill Loba, but there was no telling what the thief would do with the information she had. For now, she would have to trust Loba on her word and wait with bated breath.

Flipping out her phone she opened it to one message from Elliot.

_“Yo, your wingman skills are ON POINT!!! She was amazing, we gotta do this more often! I’m taking her for a drive right now, so give me a call when you want to head back.”_

“Goddamn it, Elliot,” Annalise mumbled as she tapped on his name.


	4. Queen of Disaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys watch the new event trailer? It looks amazing, and as a (handsome) Lifeline main myself, I am SO looking forward to her buff!

“Annalise Kraus...” Loba murmured, looking at the woman’s identification card as Jaime updated the doppelganger tech with the hair that she had managed to snatch from Annalise’s shoulders.

Maybe she shouldn’t have let her hand slip. The life that she led was far from normal, but the least she could’ve done was gotten the other woman’s number. The way she danced, _nossa_ , Loba had yet to meet a woman of her own heart who enjoyed dancing as much as she did.

“Pining again, Loba?” Jaime asked with a smirk, pressing a button with a satisfying ping, signaling the end of the download and pinned a button to Loba’s shirt. “Put this on.”

“I mean, just look at her, Jaime, is she not beautiful?” Looking back at Loba in the mirror was Annalise.

Not exactly Annalise. It was Loba, cloaked in Jaime’s technology as Annalise.

“Yeah, she is a looker,” Jaime replied absentmindedly, typing away at his computer.

Loba spun around in the mirror, looking at the opposing woman up and down. Jaime was good at his job. Memories from that sweaty night in the club flooded through her mind as she fingered a strand of her hair, itching to know more about the woman.

Jaime had picked her because of the extent of her access card. From her conversation with Annalise, it seemed as though the woman had not explored where the card could get her. Because of her stance as a special mechanic worker, she had access to places where the average maintenance worker could not go. Loba’s expertise was mainly valuable items that she desired, but she wasn’t limited to just jewels. After asking for Loba’s permission to go on the job, Jaime had found an underground black-market dealer in search of key information the Syndicate held in some sort of chip. The plan had been for Loba to find Annalise, copy her ID, and find the chip; a happy ending after getting paid handsomely.

But she hadn’t expected to be so intrigued with the girl herself. Jaime had given her a rundown on Annalise’s backstory in order to blackmail the woman into giving up her card to the thief, but Loba felt a connection with her. Life ruined by Hammond, the look in her eyes like a cornered animal with nowhere to go -it reminded Loba of a much younger version of herself.

“An eight-year age gap isn’t too strange, is it Jaime?” she called over her shoulder to the hacker.

He sighed. “No personal agendas here Loba. Just get the chip and get out.”

Loba pursed her lips distastefully as she walked to where the blue-haired man was sitting, peering over his shoulder at what was on his monitor. “What are you doing?”

“I’ve hacked into the cameras at the Syndicate, so that any double images of you and Annalise will be erased. You have two hours to get the job done Loba,” Jaime looked at her skeptically. “Don’t get lost in there.”

She waved haughtily as she walked out the door. “I’ll get the job done, Jaime.”

**xxx**

“Didn’t you check in earlier?” the Syndicate guard asked Loba, confused.

She paused, analyzing several situations in her mind quickly. Lie, and she could loop herself into serious trouble. Lying by omission would be more of the way to go, but their system would read that she, Annalise had been in earlier. Jaime and she had agreed to walk into the building at 8 AM, long before Annalise usually checked in -10 AM- but today out of all days, she had walked into the building at 6:30 AM for no apparent reason. That girl knew how to throw a wrench in her plans without even realizing it. Or had Jaime warned her that Annalise had started to come into work earlier and Loba had pushed the 8 AM time despite that, —even though there would be more of a risk of cover blown— just so that she would possibly have the chance of seeing the woman again? 

“Just say no. I’ll override the system to read that this is the first time you’ve come in today,” Jamie’s voice sounded in her ear.

“I’m not quite sure what you’re talking about,” Loba smiled warmly. “This is the first time I’ve come in today.”

The guard gave her an unreadable look and typed in a few things into his computer. Scratching the back of his head, his turned to look back at Loba. “Looks like I was wrong. Sorry about that.”

“No need to be sorry, beautiful,” Loba pressed the ID to the gate and stepped forward.

Everything was going smoothly until the guard grabbed her wrist. “Hey, I was uh- wondering, you seem to be interested in me, and I’m really interested in you —would you be up to going out for a drink tonight?”

This man. Pathetic. Women were much softer, harder to read, but definitely did not have the audacity to act like pigs. _He really thought that grabbing her like that would attract a woman like Amelia to him?_

This might cause problems for Annalise in the future, but Loba would not allow her to be pushed around by men like this. The thief smiled sweetly and flicked her wrist in one motion so that she was holding his instead of the other way around. Squeezing hard, she relished in the look of the surprised guard’s face, ignoring Jaime’s groan.

“Please don’t touch me. Assault is never a good look.” She smirked and let go of his hand, stalking off to find her chip.

“Loba,” Jaime said. “We did an analysis of Annalise’s behavior patterns together so that you could act like her. She’s reserved, quiet, keeps her cool and doesn’t talk to many people _especially_ Syndicate employees. Acting like yourself is going to attract way too many unwanted eyes.”

There was a reason why she didn’t usually have Jaime with her on the job. The man worried about too many loose ends, while Loba enjoyed living in the moment. Worry about what went wrong later. That was what got him in trouble in the first place —worrying too much.

“I’m the best,” Loba murmured into the earpiece. “Stop worrying so much.”

**xxx**

Annalise finished screwing on the last piece onto the mechanical legs, handing them over to a jittery Octane as he eagerly tightened them back onto the stumps which had been his legs. She knew that most people had a strong distaste for spending time with the hyperactive legend, but to her, he gave her a break from the mental wear and tear. He was always moving at 100 miles an hour, but always living in the present, a refreshing change to what she was used to.

“Ay, _chica gracias_!” he said as he stood up, testing the new blades that she had installed.

“These new blades are designed to store kinetic energy like a spring, so it’ll allow you to jump and run more effectively,” she told him, watching Octane jump around her shop. “Keep this a secret between you and me okay? I don’t want Lifeline getting on me about helping you behind her back.”

“Lifeline? Oh, you mean Che!” he said. “You should start calling us all by name, _hermana,_ you’re going to be in the Games soon.”

“I’m not as welcome as you think I am, Octavio,” she smiled, placing her tools back onto her worktable.

Octane was the only one who she felt comfortable calling by name. It could be because she knew that even through her actions, he wouldn’t be as affected. The speed demon would just shrug it off and find something else to blow his steam off on. It had been two weeks since her announcement by Jacob Young that she next in line to debut as the new Legend, and the room was still unreadable. Elliot had laughed it off, helping her hone her skills and pass the qualifying rounds with flying colors, but she could tell he was confused why she had kept it a secret for so long from him. Lifeline, Gibraltar, Wattson and Pathfinder seemed indifferent, ever the cheerful ones, while Bloodhound, calm hunter, had accepted her with no question. The coldest among them had been Wraith, Caustic (no surprise there) and especially Bangalore. She felt nervous around the former IMC soldier, and she knew that Banglore could feel that energy from her.

_“So you’re sponsored by the commissioner himself, Blisk, eh?” the soldier had asked her._

_“Yes,” Annalise responded levelly. “He’s the one that scouted me.”_

_“Blisk was a merc that had been frequently contracted by the IMC,” Bangalore stood to her full height, staring Annalise in the eye. “He may have been employed by the IMC, but I never agreed with the way he did things. I don’t trust you, Kraus.”_

_“That’s fine,” Annalise replied. “Just work with me if we get paired together.”_

_Bangalore sniffed, glaring down at the mechanic. “Fine with me. I don’t let my squad down.”_

Annalise looked up, shaken out of her thoughts as Octane began playing with one of his jump pads he had left in her workshop. The way she had said _“I don’t let my squad down”_ made her think that Bangalore knew more than she was letting on. “I don’t think Bangalore likes me very much.”

“You gotta lay off on the stress, _chica._ Bangalore doesn’t like anyone!”

“You’ll let me try stim then? To lay off on that stress you’re talking about.”

“Maybe later,” he checked his watch. “I gotta head out, I’ll take you on that tour of King’s Canyon later?”

“Sure,” she chuckled as Octavio raced out of the door.

He had already promised five times to take her to King’s Canyon in the span of two day and had forgotten both times. She shuffled around the table, placing the tools he had misplaced back in their spots, and removing the jump-pad back into the corner of the room. Annalise figured she would ask Wattson to show her around, seeing as Octavio would never get around to his empty promises, and Elliot was already helping enough with her gun skill. She knew enough about King’s Canyon after repairing it for months and it showed during her qualifying round with 8 kills and winning as Kill Leader, but she still had much to learn about her mutation.

The Syndicate had placed limiters on how the Legends could use their abilities. Her tactical was a 30 second cooldown on a devastating wall of fire that could block out any corridor for a limited amount of time. However, the downside of her ability was that it could hurt her teammates as well.

Thinking of the “ultimate ability” that the Syndicate staff had come up for her through watching her training made her eyes darken. It damaged her body with the overheating that it caused, and the one time she used it, she had been out of commission for two days, overcome with post-traumatic memories from the time she had destroyed the life that she had loved. Lifeline had watched over her in the hospital and given her anti-anxiety medication, with a strong warning not to abuse them. Drugs weren’t new to her, having been a regular smoker and investor of party drugs, but she still heeded Lifeline’s warning. It had long been she had last used, a long story from her younger, more reckless days and she was satisfied only smoking -Annalise didn’t particularly want to relapse.

She took a puff from the e-cigarette that Lifeline had given her, and closed her eyes, feeling the smoke travel down her lungs and the nicotine spread through her body, relaxing her muscles as she breathed out, opening her eyes to watch the smoke travel through the air. It seemed as though she couldn’t escape the concern about her health. She hardly knew Ajay Che and the younger woman was already scolding her about her unhealthy habits.

_“Yah lungs are scorched, Annalise,” Lifeline said with crossed arms, examining her x-rays as Annalise lay in the hospital bed, itching to rip the stupid IV out of her arms._

_“I’m fine, Lifeline,” Annalise sighed, trying to get out of bed as Lifeline pushed her back down. “It’s probably just from the mutation.”_

_Lifeline gave her a look as she tapped the pictures of Annalise’s damaged lungs. “This ain’t from yah fire, Kraus. Dr. Bateman already gave me the rundown on how the fire hurts yah. This from yah excessive smokin’ and drug use. I can tell just by seeing the pictures. Someone gotta keep yah in check so your body can even **compete** in these Games, yah hear me?” _

_“Don’t you already have your hands full with Octavio?”_

_“Don’t get me started on Silva,” Lifeline sighed, sitting down by the bed, passing her a small silver bar. “Dis here an e-cigarette. If yah gonna smoke, at least do it without that awful scent and ruining yah lungs with that tar. Dis ain’t any healthier but at least it’ll satisfy yah nicotine addiction.”_

“Tastes like apple,” Annalise mumbled to herself, and pocketed the bar. She’d keep it for now. It was cheaper than the cigarettes she bought, and as much as she hated to admit it, Lifeline was right. The smell went away quickly, and her clothes and fingers didn’t smell saturated of cigarette smoke. 

Putting on her coat, she stepped out the door as she rubbed her eyes tiredly, placing a cap on her messy hair. Ever since learning that she had PTSD from the event in the Hammond Labs, she hadn’t been able to sleep. Annalise usually had a healthy sleep schedule, coming into work promptly at 10 in the morning, but as of late, she didn’t have a desire to sleep and it was making her lose her mind. What comfort sleep used to bring would now bring nightmares and she relived her darkest memories over and over again. Not only was the fire traumatic, but the events leading up to her introduction into the games had taken a toll on her that she hadn’t realized in all of the rush. The release of her energy during that pinched fight in the games, killing both of her teammates off of her squad, but resulting in victory, had been her breaking point.

She was still outside of her office, pacing now as she rubbed her elbows. She knew they hadn’t really died, just been brought back to the respawn chamber to be reconstructed once more, but the thought of having lost control almost made her spiral into darkness.

Annalise was so consumed in her thoughts that she hadn’t noticed the person walking towards her, almost taking them off them feet as she bumped hard into them.

“Oh no, I am so sorry,” she apologized, as she looked up, helping the person regain their balance. “Are you-”

She stopped short, coming face to face with herself. Or rather, a more beautiful version of herself if she had kept better care of herself and decided to wear heavier makeup. The woman resembled the woman in her identification card exactly, with the smokey eye makeup and the hair slightly pulled back.

“What the _fuck_ -?!” Annalise started to say but was interrupted by the other version of her slapping a hand on her mouth and was pulled back into her workshop.

The woman threw a device onto the one camera that was in the corner of the room and locked the door behind her, moving methodically as she made sure they weren’t being watched. Annalise merely looked on as she sat on the table, still in shock that she was seeing _herself_ walk around the room.

“Who... _How... What_ is going on?” Annalise stuttered as the woman, finally satisfied stood close in front of her with a smug look on her face.

The woman merely replied by pressing a hidden button on her collar, revealing herself to be-

“Loba,” Annalise breathed, taking in the woman.

It would be a lie if she admitted to not thinking about the thief after all this time. It had been a month since they had met at the nightclub and true to Loba’s word, she had not heard from the her. However, on those sleepless nights where she felt alone her mind wandered to Loba, wondering what she was doing, wondering if she was thinking about her. It was stupid, but she was undeniably attracted to her as much as she shouldn’t be. Relationships were messy. Sex was messy. It always came with strings attached, and emotions that just got in the way. But it was unquestionable at this point.

She _wanted_ her, no _needed_ her.

Loba looked different than the night that they had met. Her makeup wasn’t as heavy as it had been, and in the light, Annalise could make out small freckles splayed across Loba’s nose. Her hair was down, different from her usual braids, and she couldn’t help but admire how beautifully long the other woman’s hair was.

“I was hoping I’d meet you today, beautiful,” Loba smiled.

Annalise gripped the metal ends of the table, hard. The smell of the other woman was almost intoxicating. It took everything that was in her to not kiss the other woman. The strange connection that she felt with the other woman was absurd, and almost crazy, but Annalise could not resist the pull towards her.

“Do you do this with every girl you fancy?” Annalise managed to get out.

“I’m a maneater and a ladykiller. I enjoy variety,” Loba smirked, obviously enjoying the effect she had on her.

Heat flushed across Annalise’s face as she opened her mouth. “I thought about you a lot. After that night in the bar.” She looked up slowly, noticing the pleased look in Loba’s eyes as she mustered up the courage to ask what she’d been dying to know. “Did I ever cross your mind?”

“Always,” the thief whispered, sending shivers up Annalise’s spine. “Congratulations on your qualifying round, _meu docinho._ ”

“You saw?”

“I was on a job, but I watched the end,” Loba’s hand traveled up her shirt, feeling the sides of her body. “You have a lot of baggage, beautiful.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. You and I are very similar in a way.”

A part of the sane piece of her brain reacted, and Annalise flinched slightly, retracting from Loba. “You here just to sleep with me for the job again?” 

“No. I’m here just for you this time.” 

Loba unzipped her the other woman’s pants, watching for Annalise’s reaction carefully, and made her way under her briefs, pressing against her center. Annalise blushed as she silently cursed herself for not wearing more attractive underwear. Before she could obsess more on her choice of undergarments, Loba’s mouth met hers. Her lips were soft, but strong, pressing hers open and then slightly pulling away, leaving an enticing invitation for her mouth to push back against hers.

“You already wanted me this much,” Loba said, smiling coyly.

“Shut up,” Annalise replied, struggling to meet Loba’s eyes.

“Amelia, look at me.” The way Loba said her real name sounded different, drawing goosebumps on her arms. “Do you want me?”

She bit her lip. Every nerve in her body was screaming that this was wrong, that the woman couldn’t be trusted. She was dangerous, hell she hardly knew Loba. The woman was a criminal, something that, although she wasn’t a cop, had helped fight against in her previous life.

_But you want her. Just let go._

She buried her head in the crook of Loba’s shoulder, calling defeat. “Just fuck me Loba.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I did want to expand on the sex scene between Loba and Amelia here, but to fit with the theme of fast and hard (as Loba is on a job there anyways) I decided to cut it short and just end the chapter. But not to worry, we will be seeing more of her later.
> 
> Translations (Portuguese and Spanish are not my native languages, so please correct me if I am wrong!)  
> nossa - my goodness  
> chica - girl  
> gracias - thanks  
> hermana - sister  
> meu docinho - my candy, my sweetie


	5. It's Always Hard the First Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Light descriptions of drug use, drinking and smoking. Again, Portuguese is not a language I am fluent in, so please correct me when I am wrong!

_Since Annalise’s announcement as the next Apex Legend, she had been competing still in the qualifying matches for practice, honing her skills before the next season, making quite a name for herself. It was almost impossible to go outside without someone asking for an autograph or a picture, and it became custom for her to wear a hat and a mask if she wanted to step outside in public._

_Watching herself in the Games was almost surreal. There was an unrecognizable, animalistic look in her eyes as she dragged her downed teammate to cover, the other man’s blood on her cheeks as she struggled to look for an opening._

_“Give it a rest, beautiful,” Loba said with a lazy smile, stroking the simple line tattoo along Annalise’s spine, as the other woman intensely watched her own preliminary match. “You won. You’re the talk of all the people now. They’re starting to call you the Phoenix with how you never get knocked.”_

_“But it wasn’t good enough for Blisk,” Annalise said. Her sponsor had taken up a habit of sending her a cryptic message from a different number every time she had finished a match._

_This time, it had been **“7/10. I want a better show from you, girly.”**_

_She knew what he meant. Every game she had been in, besides the first where she had lost control, she almost avoided using her fire, getting out of a tight fight every time with her own gunskill. What he didn’t understand was that every time she’d use the fire, memories of her old life would come flooding back, and she would grow incapacitated, unable to fight for days._

_“I want to be the best. You would know about that, wouldn’t you?” Annalise asked, reluctantly drawing away from Loba’s touch as she slipped on a shirt._

_She had inadvertently grown closer to Loba in the past three months. After their tryst in her workshop, the thief had gotten ahold of Annalise’s number and address, meeting her almost once every week. Most of the times, their “meetings” would end up in bed, and Loba would leave with a smile, claiming she had another job to do. A part of Annalise hated the fact that she felt like she was being used for sex, just another object for Loba to play with, but recently, the older woman had adopted the idea of visiting her more than once every week, staying longer and longer each time._

_Annalise was almost shocked as Loba freely let out an unrestrained laugh, not like her usual laugh where it was ladylike and suppressed, almost condescending. Her real laugh was like a graceful waterfall, the musical peals reverberating through Annalise’s own body and making herself smile despite herself._

_“I am the best, but you are **also** the best, meu amor,” Loba smiled. “Why else would I pick you? I don’t settle for less.” _

_A blush of embarrassment crept onto Annalise’s face. The woman definitely had a way with words, knowing just exactly what to say to throw her into a twist of red-faced adoration. She wanted, no, needed to be careful with the notorious thief, but deep down, she knew she was falling for the lone wolf. The other woman enjoyed sleeping with her, that was for certain, but Loba had a way about her that let no emotion get the best of her. As much as Annalise didn’t want to admit, there was a part of her brain that wanted to know how the other woman felt about her, wanted her to be falling for herself, just as much as she was falling for Loba._

_Annalise slipped her glasses onto her nose as she opened up her laptop. “It’s going to get pretty boring here soon enough so you can head out.”_

_There was silence from the other woman’s end, causing Annalise to turn in confusion. Loba was still laying still, unmoving, scrolling through her own phone. “Loba. Did you hear what I said?”_

_“I think I’d like to stay here a little longer, with you.”_

_The ends of Annalise’s lips threatened to tug upwards as she leaned in, quickly kissing the other woman. “Of course. You know you’re welcome here anytime now that I’ve given you a key, so you don’t have to break in anymore.”_

_“So much for security systems, right?” Loba smirked. “What are you working on?”_

_“Some event called the Iron Crown. It’s supposed to spice things up for the Games apparently,” Annalise murmured, pushing up her reading glasses which had already fallen from her nose as she turned back to her screen. “The Syndicate still wants to use me as a mechanical engineer even though I’m a Legend.”_

_“So like that girl, Wattson, was it?”_

_“Exactly.”_

_She felt a tug on her arm as Loba leaned over, grunting as she fumbled with the pocket of her pants which were still on the floor at the side of the bed. “Before you start, I want to give you this.”_

_Loba handed her a silver ring with the head of a wolf and had small ruby gems inset for the eyes. Annalise wasn’t much for jewelry besides the piercings on her ears, but the ring was small yet elegant, similar to Loba’s style but fit Annalise as well._

_Annalise raised an eyebrow. “Did you steal this?”_

_Loba’s eyes glittered with mirth. “No. I’ve had it for a while. You don’t have to wear it, but I wanted you to have it.” Her voice grew quieter. “Just something to remind you of me.”_

**xxx**

Annalise twisted Loba’s ring anxiously on her finger as she set her gun in her lap. Her squad, which consisted of Wraith, Wattson and herself were pinched between two teams. Wattson had set up her fences and a pylon in the middle of the hut to keep them safe, but it was only a temporary refuge. The ring was about to move, and they were trapped, with almost little to no heals in their backpacks.

Annalise had almost let out a sigh of disappointment when the announcer had announced that Wraith would be on her team. The woman had invited her to spar together every evening since she had been called as the new Legend, and, while Annalise was stronger, taller and tougher in frame than the other woman, Wraith had found a way to beat her every time. She didn’t know if Wraith had actually wanted to practice or make it a point to show her that she was better. Despite being brutally beaten by the resident Voidwalker every day, Wraith did not let whatever antagonistic feelings she had against the new Legend get in her way during the match, helping her own teammate always -expected of a professional.

Annalise peered out the window, counting the heads of Gibraltar, Pathfinder and then-

She was shot even before she knew it. The sickening sound of her own shields shattering reverberated in her ear and she fell back onto the floor with a dull thud, not downed, but close to being dead.

The pain came after the shock. They had told her everything was simulated, and she would feel similar sensations to being in battle, but _fuck_ it hurt. She looked down at her own chest, touching the gaping wound with her hand and almost fascinated, watched as her own blood glistened on her hand. Her breath grew ragged, blood pooled out of her mouth and her ribs felt like they were on fire as Wattson stepped forward towards her, concerned.

“Wattson, don’t move any closer towards that window. Phoenix!” Wraith’s voice snapped her out of her stupor. That was right. She was Phoenix, that was her name. “Medkit yourself now, they might push knowing that you’re low! Be careful of Path’s squad, Bloodhound’s a dangerous shot.”

“I know,” Annalise grunted, twisting around painfully as she took the medkit into her hands out of her backpack.

This was the worst part. She pursed her lips, taking a deep breath as she plunged the small gun into her arm, feeling the stinging pain and then the sensation of nausea as the plasma chemicals quickly healed her ailments, watching as the blue energy seeped into her arm. Annalise grunted uncomfortably as she felt her ribcage twist and heal itself, the fibers of broken muscle braiding back together, piecing her chest into place. Once it was finally over, she threw the syringe aside, feeling her own chest. The wound was gone, quickly stitched back together, but the blood still remained on her tank.

“Do you need shields?” Wattson asked slowly, opening up her bag to reveal four meager shield cells.

It was sweet of the younger woman to offer her own heals, but Annalise shook her head quickly, edging closer towards Wattson’s pylon. “It’s okay. I’ll just shield up by your pylon.”

Wraith’s eyes clouded and Annalise had a sinking feeling. That couldn’t be good news. “I’m pretty sure we’re open targets.”

“Somebody’s crossed the fence!” Wattson shouted, and then all chaos broke loose.

Smoke filled the room as Wattson’s pylon was shot down. It was Bangalore. Annalise gritted her teeth. She didn’t want to face the former IMC soldier, after the only words that they had exchanged months ago, but it seemed as though it had to come to this. Green gas filled the room directly after Bangalore’s smoke. _Damnit, fucking Caustic!_ It was a well-coordinated attack to be sure.

The corrosive gas destroyed all of Wattson’s careful placed fences, leaving them completely vulnerable to what Bangalore and Caustic had planned. The gas filled Annalise’s lungs, bringing her to a crawl as she struggled to breathe, grabbing her 301 and shooting at any movement she saw, hitting nothing.

“I’m going to make a portal to get us out of here,” Wraith coughed. “Just buy me some time!”

The only downfall to Caustic’s gas was the fact that it slowed his teammates down. She had remembered seeing the scientist murmur to himself that he needed to find some sort of solution to stop that from happening. That was her only saving grace in this situation as she looked over to Wattson, huddled in the corner, frantically healing only to get shot again from the smoke.

 _“The portal’s ready, come through now!”_ came Wraith’s voice from the comms.

“Wattson let’s go!” Annalise turned towards the younger woman, but her face was downcast, not responding to her. “Wattson, we gotta go now!”

She looked up, and shocked Annalise with the smile that was on her face. “You’re going to have to leave me behind. _Salut_!”

 _“Wattson, no-!”_ Wraith shouted into her earpiece but was quickly distracted by gunfire on the other end. _“Fuck.”_

Fuck was right indeed. Annalise stood, stunned by what had just come out of the young woman’s mouth. There was blood already dripping from the side of Wattson’s head, and she knew the girl didn’t have long to last. Damnit, Wattson was right, it would be in the team’s best interest to leave her behind, but something about how the younger girl looked death in the eyes, despite appearing so vulnerable and small stirred something in Annalise.

 _“Phoenix get through that portal now! We’re going to have to leave Nat behind!”_ There was a note of panicked urgency in Wraith’s voice as she slipped up and used Wattson’s real name despite there being rules that held them to using the Legend’s code names inside the arena. _“I don’t like the idea as much as you do, but that portal is going to close any minute!”_

Annalise stood for one more minute, ignoring Wattson’s motions to go through the portal, and shut off her comms, muting Wraith, disregarding the Voidwalker’s yell of anger as she realized what Annalise was doing.

Slipping off her backpack, she stuffed what she could into Wattson’s own discarded bag, as she looked up in confusion slowly realizing what Annalise was doing. “Anna, you can’t-”

“I just did,” Annalise replied, and, saying a quiet apology in her heart, roughly threw Wattson through the portal just in time before it closed. They would’ve followed anyway. It was better that her, having more health, stay behind and distract them, while Wattson could help combat against the other squad, having Gibraltar and his bombardment.

The gas and smoke were dying down, and there were no more distractions coming from her earpiece. It was silent; just her and the opposite team.

_You fucking idiot._

**_It’s fine._ **

_You should’ve just left Wattson here._

**_She had more experience. She doesn’t have to die here._ **

_It’s just a fucking game, she’s not going to actually die._

**_Shut up, it’s fine._ **

_Now you’re fucked._

**_Stop._ **

_How are you supposed to impress Blisk now? There’s no way you can take this, three verses one._

Wraith was the only one that heard versions of herself from other worlds, but that didn’t mean that she was the only one that heard voices in her head.

Annalise crept quietly around the stairs of the building, hearing the footsteps of the other squad. She was trapped on the inside, she knew this. Caustic had already set up his gas around the perimeter of the area, so the only choice would be to climb to the roof. _Damn._ That would be already going through the doctor’s head as well -she was like a rat in a lab experiment, being corralled through and led to imminent doom.

Creeping quietly onto the roof, she noticed Lifeline’s back to her. A feeling of regret surged through her stomach as she began gunning the combat medic down, seeing the look of surprise and pain in her face as she was knocked to her knees. Annalise quickly disposed of her prone body so that she could not alert Caustic and Bangalore of her whereabouts, trying not to look as Lifeline just lay there, not even bringing up a knockdown shield to save herself.

_These Legends are not your friends._

She gritted her teeth. Damn personal feelings getting in the way, always.

Even with Lifeline out of the game, they knew she was on the roof now. She could hear they footsteps running, the wood creaking as they made their way up, and knew she wouldn’t have much time now. Reaching into her pocket she took a thermite and blocked off the right and left sides of the roof, hearing Bangalore swear loudly as her shields were burned to a crisp by the grenade, and the woman dropped off, leaving her alone on the roof with Caustic, who had pushed up through the flames, edging to get the kill on her. She slid under his bullets, pelleting him with her own as his shields cracked under the light bullets and she gave him a roundhouse kick to the face, dropping him off the side of the building.

Annalise peered over the side to check if Bangalore was lurking, but stopped short, feeling the bullets of an automatic weapon rip into her, shredding her shields. Annalise turned, firing her own weapon at the soldier, cracking her opponent’s shields but it was too late.

“Gotcha,” Bangalore chuckled, ramming the butt of her weapon into Annalise’s face and she fell two stories, crashing through the roof of the building onto the floor.

She groaned softly. Her spine was definitely broken. It wasn’t anything the respawn chamber couldn’t fix but _holy hell._ She was completely at the mercy of the IMC soldier, who had jumped down after her, slowly making her way towards the prone mechanic.

_You need to move, now._

She couldn’t move her legs. She couldn’t move her _fucking_ legs.

_There has to be something, anything-_

“That looked that it hurt, _Phoenix_ ,” Bangalore smirked, adding an emphasis to her legend name.

“Damn straight,” Annalise said, propping herself up against the wall with the only thing she could move, her arms.

“Phoenix,” Bangalore repeated her name, tossing one of her smoke grenades in her hand. “What to do when you’re a Phoenix with no fire, huh?”

“Bangalore, why do you hate me so much?” Annalise asked, laughing despite her wounds. That was a mistake. Blood pooled in her chest and mouth as her laugh became a cough, the red, viscous liquid spattering everywhere as she hacked.

“You might be a big shot in the prelims, but you ain’t proven yourself to me yet,” Bangalore replied, placing the muzzle of the gun under her chin, lifting her chin up so that their eyes met. “Like I said before, I don’t trust you.”

“Then just kill me then,” the mechanic said. “Make it quick.”

“You got me all wrong. I may be a soldier, but I don’t like the killing,” Bangalore said quietly.

“And you got me all wrong too,” Annalise replied.

The soldier’s eyes widened as the flames grew on Annalise’s arm. “Motherfu-!”

The explosion was bigger than she’d thought it’d be _. So much for contained rage and not wanting to hurt anyone._

The fire blew out the walls of the house, throwing her body like a ragdoll onto the ground. The feel of the hard dirt didn’t even phase her anymore. The pain was nothing compared to the pain she felt in her body. Every muscle, every fiber of her body was screaming out, her veins felt like they were on fire. She fought the urge to close her eyes, because she knew if she did, she would succumb to the darkness that was urging her to come closer.

She was dying.

She was dying and yet it didn’t scare her at all.

It was comforting, almost like being in the warm lap of a woman who was stroking her matted hair down, whispering comforting words to her while she lay, bleeding out on the ground.

Except that was what was happening. In real life. Her head was in Natalie’s lap, while Wraith was giving her an unreadable look.

“You’re crazy. I saw the killfeed,” the Voidwalker said.

“Sorry I muted you,” Annalise croaked.

“It definitely was not the right call there. But you were right in pushing Wattson through that portal. Because of you, we were able to survive an attack from Gibraltar with her pylon.” Wraith leaned forward, flicking Annalise lightly in the forehead. “I thought you were weak when I first met you. But you’ve gotten stronger haven’t you.”

“Wraith, is there anything I can do to help her-?” Wattson looked close to tears.

“No. I don’t think so,” Wraith sighed, standing up.

“You gotta leave me here, Watts,” Annalise smiled through the blood on her face. Maybe she shouldn’t have. A tear ran down Wattson’s face. “It’s a little too late.”

“ _Désolée_ , Wraith, Phoenix, I didn’t mean to get this emotional,” Wattson tried to smile through her tears.

Wraith put a hand on the younger girl’s shoulder. “You’re fine. It’s always hard seeing the first time someone dies.”

Annalise grabbed Wraith’s hand, earning a look of surprise from the skirmisher. “I didn’t mean to disrespect you. I look up to each and every one of you, truly. Even if it does seem like I don’t deserve to be here.”

All thoughts of personal entanglement were all gone now as she stood, knocking on death’s door. Wraith was an exceptional fighter, as was Bangalore. She only wanted to feel like she belonged and longed for the respect of the veteran fighter as she looked up into Wraith’s eyes, the eyes that appeared as though she had seen a million things in her short lifetime.

Wraith gave her a sad smile. “You do deserve to be here. I’m sorry I beat you down every day. I believe in my own way, I wanted to be sure you were prepared for the Games. I didn’t want to see you like this your first match either.”

Annalise winced, but Wraith’s words were like a healing balm. _So she doesn’t hate me._

She clutched Wraith’s hand tighter. “I used my fire on Bangalore. I didn’t want to, I didn’t mean to-”

“You did what you had to do,” Wraith said. “I know. It’s hard. Using something that you didn’t even ask to have.”

Annalise’s breath grew ragged and slowed as she realized she didn’t have much more time. Wraith had brought her comfort; however strange it might be that it was coming from the skirmisher. She had to remind herself that the older woman understood what it felt like to be different, to have abilities no one could comprehend, to be seen as an outcast.

“We’re all misfits here, Phoenix. You’ll find your place soon enough.”

Annalise’s grip loosened on Wraith’s hand. “Win this one for me?”

The Voidwalker smiled. “No promises.”

**xxx**

Death was different than she had expected. It was just-

White.

Everything was white.

She laughed. Or was she laughing? She wasn’t sure anymore Such a sharp contrast from when she was about to die.

Death was strange.

The shock came afterwards.

Oxygen came running back into her veins and she gasped, the bright white lights shaking her back into existence.

“Our girl’s back!” Gibraltar’s booming voice brought her vision into focus, as she grasped her own surroundings.

She was lying in a small container with a vat of clear liquid, surrounded by the other Legends; Gibraltar, Lifeline, and in the corner, Bangalore.

“Yuh got me there with da quick draw, Annalise,” Lifeline laughed. “Yuh surprised me fuh’ sure.”

Annalise tried to respond but her voice only came out in a weak wheeze, her lips barely being able to articulate her words. She struggled to sit up, but Lifeline gently pushed her back, shaking her head slowly, and mimicking Wraith’s words to Natalie.

“I know, I know. It’s always hard the first time dying. Jus’ take it easy.”

“I saw that killfeed, bruddah! That was crazy for your first game!” Gibraltar laughed, turning towards Bangalore. “The kid really gotcha there!”

“C-can you give us a minute?” Annalise asked weakly, gesturing towards Bangalore.

Wise above her years, Lifeline gave Annalise a knowing look and pulled Gibraltar aside. “Come on, Gibby. Let me check out that nasty shot Renee handed to you.”

The soldier gave a darting look towards the other two legends and made her way closer towards Annalise’s bedside. “You want to talk to me, but I have to walk to you?”

“Sorry,” Annalise grunted, trying to get out of the healing vat, but once more being pushed down.

“Don’t sweat it. I know it’s a jarring experience.”

The small kindness from Bangalore quieted Annalise. “Why do you hate me, Williams?”

“Like I said, I don’t hate you,” Anita ran her hand through her hair. “I just didn’t see why you deserved to be in the Games. Che, G, Wraith, me, we all have our reasons why we’re in the Games. It seemed like you showed up just to have fun in a bloodsport, and I didn’t respect you for that.”

“I’m not here just for the sport, Williams,” Annalise said. “I have my reasons too.”

“Why then?”

Annalise took a shaking breath. How should she best address this? “I’m not a killer. I saved people in my previous life. But there was an accident, and I changed. I couldn’t be who I set out to be anymore, and I was given a chance to redeem myself in these Games.”

She couldn’t believe that she was telling the former solider this, but the words came spilling out of her mouth before she could stop them. The _real_ reason why she was in the Games. Not for Blisk, not for self-preservation. “I’m broken now, Williams. I have nothing. I am nothing. I just want to find out who I can be now, after everything was taken away from me.”

Anita didn’t respond, only sitting quietly, thinking about what the other woman had said. Annalise bit her lip. The only other person she’d told was Loba, but the thief had nothing to do with the Games, and she knew that Loba would not judge her for any answer. However, Bangalore was a key player in the bloodsport they both competed in, and she knew part of the reason why the woman had entered into the Games. Annalise’s answer seemed pitiful and small compared to the reasons why Bangalore was here, and she still didn’t know if her answer would be satisfactory, or even the right one.

“Aren’t we all trying to find ourselves?” Bangalore finally said. “G was right, you did get me today.” The solider stood up to leave.

“I’m sorry for using the fire on you,” Annalise said after Bangalore’s retreating back. “I don’t enjoy using it, especially on people.”

“You did what you had to.” Bangalore said the same thing to her that Wraith had. “But you’re going to have to learn to get over it, as harsh as that sounds. You want to stay here, don’t you?”

Annalise shook her head yes.

There was a shadow of a smirk on the soldier’s face. “Then I won’t let you catch me off guard next time.”

**xxx**

_Fuck!_

There was a crash as Annalise hurled another bottle at her wall. Her damaged ribcage begged her to stop as she threw each bottle with more force, but she paid them no mind. Empty pill bottles were strewn on the floor and a still lit cigarette lay smoking in its ash tray. A phone with a cracked screen buzzed, flickering with each message from a distraught lover, but it was ignored. The only message that mattered to Annalise now was the one from Blisk.

**_“What the hell kind of sappy performance was that today? You better watch out girly, or the feds will be coming for you soon.”_ **

_Son of a bitch._

What more did he want her to do? She had used the fire on a person, something she hadn’t dared do in a long time, and she had downed an entire squad with her own hand. What more did he want? She was never free. She never would be free. The shadow of Blisk would be following her always, even when now, she wanted more than anything just to have friends. She knew getting closer to them would be her downfall, and yet she couldn’t help herself. Wraith was right, they were all misfits, none of them belonged anywhere and that was why they were here. These killers, these _people_ were starting to become her only friends, her family.

She placed another tab on her tongue, desperately wanting to run away from her feelings.

Annalise was relapsing.

She knew it herself and yet didn’t do anything to stop it. Nothing mattered anymore. Even how hard she tried; nothing was good enough for anyone.

Tears poured out of her eyes as she gripped the edges of the kitchen sink, feeling sick to her stomach as she reached for a needle.

_Have I really stooped this low?_

“Stop, you have to stop now.”

Someone had their hand on her wrist and Annalise spun around, twisting her attacker’s hand, forcing them to let go, and grabbed the wingman that was in her back pocket, shoving it under the chin of the unknown person.

“Get the fuck off of me,” Annalise growled, her eyes blazing as fire gently licked her right hand, itching to burst free.

“Em _...”_ There was obvious hurt in the woman’s voice as she looked up to her lover. “It’s me.”

“ _Fuck,_ ” Annalise breathed as the gun clattered to the ground. “Loba.”

In Annalise’s drugged state she hazily remembered woman was shorter than she was without her six-inch heels.

“If you’re going to pull a gun on me, I won’t come by to visit anymore,” Loba said, trying to smooth her shaking voice.

“I-I’m sorry,” Annalise replied, feeling dizzy as she slumped into the couch.

“I tried calling you,” Loba kept a close eye on Annalise as she lay the gun aside and began picking up the broken bits of glass. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Look at this,” Annalise picked up her cracked phone from the floor and shoved it in Loba’s face as her breathing quickened, trying to stave off another panic attack. “I’m finished. I’m done.”

“Is this Blisk?” Loba asked, setting the phone aside slowly as she touched Annalise’s forehead. “ _Bebê,_ you’re burning up.”

Annalise waved her off. “Just side effects from the drugs.”

Loba took a deep breath. “I don’t want you in these Games, if they’re going to make you turn into this mess.”

“What mess?” Annalise spat, suddenly feeling overaggressive.

“This.” Loba gestured to the destroyed apartment room, filled with broken bottles and empty cases of drugs. “I thought you told me you were off the drugs now. I mean, where did you even get all of this?”

“I’m an Apex Legend, Andrade,” Annalise said sarcastically. “I can do whatever I want.”

There was a sharp smack as Loba slapped the side of Annalise’s face quickly, a fiery look in her eyes. The slap brought Annalise back into reality as Loba’s face finally came into clear view, clearer than it had been during her high. She hadn’t noticed before, but there were tears brimming over the thief’s eyes.

“Do not talk to me like that, Amelia,” Loba said, the tears now threatening to spill over her long lashes. “You have no idea pain it brought me to see you die in that arena today.” Annalise opened her mouth to speak, but Loba brought up her hand quickly. “I understand it wasn’t a real death. But I watched your entire match up until that point, and the lights, the cameras, the announcers; it was like your death was a spectacle for them to watch, as if none of you were real, human beings. Like you were animals.”

Annalise had no words for the opposing woman. She hadn’t even realized that Loba had felt that way about her. Loba slumped to the floor, looking exhausted as she touched Annalise’s wounds lightly.

“I told you about how my parents were murdered. That time I was too young and powerless to do anything. But today, where I could’ve done something, you bled out to death in front of me on that screen, and I could do nothing to protect you.”

Annalise returned the touch, turning Loba’s chin upwards towards her own face. “I need to be in these games.”

“I could hide you, you know,” Loba said. “I have ways, connections to make it so that Blisk would never be able to hurt you again.”

It was tempting. So tempting that Annalise wanted to take the offer immediately. But no. She was tired of running away from everything. The legend shook her head slowly, and the thief smiled sadly.

“How did I know you were going to say that already?”

“I have a tendency to put myself in bad situations,” Annalise replied, returning the smile, and then stopped short, feeling a wave of nausea. “Loba?”

“Yes, Em?”

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

**xxx**

Loba held her hair back as Annalise retched into the porcelain bowl as she clutched the wall, her knuckles bareboned white. Feeling one last heave, she collapsed, exhausted, against the side of the bathroom as Loba flushed the toilet for her, handing her a glass of water.

“I’m sorry, Loba,” Annalise groaned, accepting the water thankfully. “I don’t think I can do sex tonight.”

“Do you think that’s all I come here for?” Loba asked, amused as she brought the other woman a towel.

Annalise wiped her mouth and leaned on Loba as she led them to her bedroom. “That and the blessing of my great company?”

“You really are an idiot, Amelia Cray,” Loba laughed, setting her down onto the bed. “Let’s get that shirt off of you.”

Annalise weakly raised her arms as the older woman slipped her shirt off of her gently, and began unbuckling her pants, folding them neatly and placing them into the hamper in her closet. The full-length mirror in front of her showed Annalise how destroyed her body had become and she grimaced, trying to avoid looking in the reflective glass. She heard a small gasp from Loba as she saw the bandages and scars that enveloped her entire body.

“ _Coração,”_ Loba murmered, kissing her shoulder lightly as she fitted a loose t-shirt onto Annalise’s body. “You had it rough today, didn’t you.”

She only nodded, exhausted as the other woman helped her into bed, fitting the covers around her shoulders like she was a small child. Annalise closed her eyes, before intertwining her fingers around Loba’s immaculate ones, and strained to remember the Portuguese that the older woman had taught her.

 _“Fique comigo esta noite,”_ Annalise said. “Please. I want you here when I wake up.”

She heard the shifting of fabric and the unbuttoning of pants, before the weight on the bed shifted, and she felt Loba’s arm slip around her waist as her lips nuzzled into the crook of her neck. “ _Claro,_ Amelia. Anything for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Meu Amor - My love  
> Bebe - Baby  
> Coração - Sweetheart  
> Fique comigo esta noite - Stay with me tonight  
> Claro - Of course


End file.
